Funeral Pre-Mortus
My friend is getting married...so now his life will be ruined...
I realize that what I just said probably sounds harsh (or even mean), but the fact is that My friend (we'll call him Clark Kent) is in love with what can only be described as a hell-spawned demon (we'll call her Lois Lane).
Let me explain, since I will probably be getting a few flames if I don't. Clark is one of the sweetest, kindest men on the planet..."Who isn't?" you say...I've NEVER met anyone as kind and caring as Clark, which is why he's my best friend.
A few years ago Clark fell in love with a friend (Lois) who had just gotten a divorce from her second husband (with whom she had 4 daughters). He helped get through the divorce, comforted her in her days of sorrow, and held her when she was declared an unfit mother. But as soon as she recovered from this soul-crushing blow, she ran out on Clark and found husband number 3. Though the third marriage was short-lived (only a couple of years), Lois and Mr. 3 managed to completely destroy Clark's credit through co-sighnings, repossesions, and theft. And sure enough, when it was over between Lois and Mr. 3, lois ran back to Clark crying.
But this time when Lois and Clark got back together it wasn't just for comforting. Clark gave Lois a Saturn, his heart, and anything else she asked for. But there turned out to be a catch...Now Clark was faced with the fact that Lois had to have major surgery in order to live (a surgery that she had known about for 15 years). So Clark proposed marriage and she "reluctantly" agreed on the condition that they wait a few years first (this was in June). The surgery was over less than a week ago, and now they are getting married on December 31st. But wait!!! There's more...
Before they get married later this year, Lois has told Clark that they will BOTH sell their homes and quit their jobs (Clark is only a year from retirement) so that they can move 300 miles and she can be closer to her mom. Isn't that sweet?
So to recap: Clark is marrying a serial bride who already killed his credit, robbed him blind, broke his heart, and is now taking his retirement and his home away.They are moving away from Clark's family and friends to be closer to hers. Oh, and Lois managed to drive a HUGE wedge between Clark and his father.
So now if Lois and Clark get a divorce, Clark will have NOTHING!!!! No job, no house, no money, N-O-T-H-I-N-G...
And THAT is why my best friend is doomed...Any questions?
I realize that what I just said probably sounds harsh (or even mean), but the fact is that My friend (we'll call him Clark Kent) is in love with what can only be described as a hell-spawned demon (we'll call her Lois Lane).
Let me explain, since I will probably be getting a few flames if I don't. Clark is one of the sweetest, kindest men on the planet..."Who isn't?" you say...I've NEVER met anyone as kind and caring as Clark, which is why he's my best friend.
A few years ago Clark fell in love with a friend (Lois) who had just gotten a divorce from her second husband (with whom she had 4 daughters). He helped get through the divorce, comforted her in her days of sorrow, and held her when she was declared an unfit mother. But as soon as she recovered from this soul-crushing blow, she ran out on Clark and found husband number 3. Though the third marriage was short-lived (only a couple of years), Lois and Mr. 3 managed to completely destroy Clark's credit through co-sighnings, repossesions, and theft. And sure enough, when it was over between Lois and Mr. 3, lois ran back to Clark crying.
But this time when Lois and Clark got back together it wasn't just for comforting. Clark gave Lois a Saturn, his heart, and anything else she asked for. But there turned out to be a catch...Now Clark was faced with the fact that Lois had to have major surgery in order to live (a surgery that she had known about for 15 years). So Clark proposed marriage and she "reluctantly" agreed on the condition that they wait a few years first (this was in June). The surgery was over less than a week ago, and now they are getting married on December 31st. But wait!!! There's more...
Before they get married later this year, Lois has told Clark that they will BOTH sell their homes and quit their jobs (Clark is only a year from retirement) so that they can move 300 miles and she can be closer to her mom. Isn't that sweet?
So to recap: Clark is marrying a serial bride who already killed his credit, robbed him blind, broke his heart, and is now taking his retirement and his home away.They are moving away from Clark's family and friends to be closer to hers. Oh, and Lois managed to drive a HUGE wedge between Clark and his father.
So now if Lois and Clark get a divorce, Clark will have NOTHING!!!! No job, no house, no money, N-O-T-H-I-N-G...
And THAT is why my best friend is doomed...Any questions?
posted by Mighty Quinn at 9:33 PM
1 Comments:
I hate women. ::sighs::
This is why I can't get a date. :/
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